Saturday, June 03, 2006

Baby Facts

One of the joys of being a new parent (or any parent for that matter), is the forwarding of certain facts to non-parents, especially teenagers hell-bent upon becoming a parent as soon as possible.

Explaining that TP was in labour for twenty-three hours always gets the attention (and wincing) and the fact that 5 hours of sleep a night is considered a good night - especially after the previous 48 without sleep.

Then there's the story of how the midwives take blood from a newborn: they take it from the heel. A pinprick that they then 'milk' (squeeze hard) to get a small drop of blood. This usually takes 5-10 minutes before they have to start on the other heel so they can get enough. Think you've heard a baby wailing? You haven't heard anything until you've heard this. I had to leave the room to stop myself from hurting the midwife.

But the one that really turns stomachs is the test they see if a newborn has wonky hips. If a kid has wonky hips they'll end up being bow legged - think Forrest Gump - but if they catch it early enough they can fix it easily. But the only way they can test for it is by attempting to dislocate the hips. If they succeed then they're wonky. It's painful for bub, but better than life being a box of choc'lates. Fun stuff.

Of course any prospective parent that hears all these horrors (I'm sure we have loads more to learn) and doesn't change their mind then they're truly ready for parenthood. Anyone else is just a clucky wannabe.

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