Seven Weeks After: Or Life In A Baby-Centric World

You know you've been around the baby a lot when:

• Your vocabulary now chiefly consists of words like "posset", "piddle", "poop", and "poot".
• When talking to the baby, you find yourself speaking in an octave only dogs can hear.
• You rhyme everything ie "Mummy tummy", "gooey pooey", and (good gods) "chubby tubby grubby bubby"...
• Your partner sneezes, and you immediately squeal: "Oooh! That was a BIG sneeze from a BIG little guy, wasn't it?"
• Your nipples develop their own "spider sense" - they tingle when baby's due for a feed.
• Your clothes all reek of sickly sweet milk (because you leak) or slightly curdled milk (because the baby possets).
• You get excited by the contents of the baby's nappy.
• Seeded mustard relish has somehow lost all its appeal.
• Any outing, however brief, is now circumscribed by the location of every known Parents Room, or public toilet with nappy changing facilities and a discreet corner where you can breastfeed.
• When you or your partner talk about going to bed together, you both mean "sleep" not "sex".

Tags:

• baby
• observations
• humour