Sunday, July 23, 2006

15 Weeks After: The Fog of Motherhood

Nearly four months on, I'm beginning to appreciate that strange state of existence some call the Fog of Motherhood. Doom doom DOOOMMM!!!

It's like having tunnel vision while on medication. Everything immediately outside of the baby's needs becomes a haze and you seem always to be struggling in slow time. It's a combination of mothering instinct and chronic lack of sleep. Nurturing Autopilot: ON. All other operational processes: you're on your own.

So on the one hand, I've learnt to carry out some chores one-handed with JOOB slung over a shoulder.

But. I also find myself losing track of things all the time; not knowing what day it is or where I've left my keys or my mobile, not remembering there's still unpacked groceries in my bag, not aware of what's just been said on TV while I'm watching it... The other day I caught the Freo train to go to Subi and ended up in Swanbourne.

I've heard the motherhood fog doesn't lift for years. One day, JOOB might be toddling off to pre-school when the fuzziness will just suddenly blink out and you'll wake up to yourself again.

Or not. Meanwhile, I'll just have to tread warily through cottonwool-land and hope JOOB makes it out with me okay.


Kathryn Greenhill said...

Mmmmm...when I was pregnant, I always said "more baby, less brain" Then when I was breastfeeding, my brain was daily sucked out through my breasts.

My most unusual symptom was inability to recall the names of simple household objects. I remember asking someone to pass "that metal food digging thing", because I'd forgotton the name for "fork".

I really knew I was badly sleep deprived when I had a horror night of no sleep, and in the morning, instead of feeling worse, I just felt exactly the same. In other words, I knew that I couldn't possibly get anymore sleep deprived...nothing else would make any difference.

About 8 months into our first baby journey, we totally reevaluated everything and decided that me sleeping was the most important thing and all else could go to pot. So, as soon as my baby slept in the day, I slept too, even if that meant sacrificing my no-baby adult time.

I believe it gets better, but you'll come out of it a very different version of you.

ToxicPurity said...

I'm experiencing the sleep-dep plateau as well, or should that be sink-hole? Maybe it's a coping mechanism by your body; it's sort of a small comfort to know you can't get any more sleep-depped beyond a certain point.

How different a version? And will my husband like her? :)