Rudolph The Red-Nosed Dead Deer

Even as a little girl, I had trouble believing in the existence of God. Particularly around Xmas time. If it's Jesus' birthday, why isn't he here? Why do we have to go to church instead? How old is he? How do you know?

Santa Claus, on the other hand, made department store appearances and TV commercials, and clearly had a physical presence, but was equally clearly fake. So I didn't believe in him either.

Besides, there was also the sneaking suspicion that Santa was really a lecherous old bastard and therefore not someone a respectable child should accept presents from. See, while Santa is in Singapore he is never accompanied by the matronly Mrs Claus, but always by a bevy of short-skirted Santarinas. Yes, Santa does the stereotypical white guy tourist in Asia thing.

And yes, my childhood imagination was a wierd place to be.

But is it as wierd as the Danish air force paying compensation to Santa Claus for accidentally killing Rudolph? Your call.