What Toxic Purity Learnt This Week While Editing The CTV Perth Xmas Special

01. Among other things, Hitler was an outrageous tax cheat

02. Cluster-ballooning is apparently a real sport.

03. Australians spend way too much on real estate and imaginary real estate (has castle, furniture not included).

04. The next generation of car can climb stairs. Can we say Mecha?

05. From sperm-destroying mobile phones to the production of pate foie gras being an act of animal cruelty, people are just stupid enough to believe anything, and the press is just lazy enough to print it.

06. Santa's reindeer, including Rudolph, are probably all female.

07. According to Don Diebel, America's #1 Dating Expert, a surefire way to pick up chicks is with a hand puppet. Uh-huh.

08. Lava lamps explode when you put them on a hot stovetop. Yet another one for the Darwin Awards.

09. How to bring down a bank. First, start a doomsday cult. Next, borrow like there's no tomorrow...

10. Just because it's called Narcissist, is located in the sex shops section of Barrack St and down a dingy stairway, does not mean it's a fetish shop with black widow dresses and PVC gear and spikey jewellery. Boring!

11. My driving instructor is ex-SAS. COOOOOL.

12. You don't really know how to hate those soul-sapping lame-brained Xmas Specials until you've made one. I need a bath now. I feel so dirty.