Friday, August 13, 2004

What Happens If You Stay In Singapore

This was sent to me by my in-laws (who as you might have guessed are Singaporean):

1. You've lost your sense of irony, sarcasm and cynicism.

2. You think there's nothing wrong with putting chilli sauce on everything you eat.

3. You wait for instructions from people in authority before doing anything.

4. You join queues without knowing or caring what the queue is for.

5. You can type an SMS on your phone as quickly as you would if you had a regular keyboard.

6. Your idea of a good night out consists of having dinner at a hawker centre, drinking beer, and then going to another hawker centre and eating again.

7. You've lost your ability to criticize people in higher positions than you, even if they're wrong.

8. You would buy a $20 product you don't need if it's on sale for $10 just to save the money.

9. You forget to say the last consonant in words like "faCT", "aTE", etc.

10. Every task you take on and every group you form is incomplete without a mission statement and a cheesy slogan.

11. "Crossing the country" means taking the MRT to the end of the line.

12. You don't just know what "kiasu" means, you have become it! ["kiasu" means "afraid to lose out"]

13. You echo the advice to take risk; yet you are too "kiasi" to do it! ["kiasi" means "afraid to die"]

14. You would cross the entire country all day to find the places that make the perfect fried noodles, roti prata, ice kacang or chilli crab. And none of these places would be close to each other.

15. You have a high tolerance for nagging.

16. You know most or all of these acronyms and they make sense to you:


17. You think that $100,000 is a reasonable price for a Toyota Corolla and $1,000,000 is a bloody cheap for a bungalow, BUT $5 for a plate of fried noodles is a barbarous outrage.

18. You believe that not being able to get decent roti prata outside Singapore is enough to keep the best and the brightest people from leaving.

19. You see nothing wrong with forming committees of select elite people to deliberate and study ways to stimulate creativity and spontaneity.

20. You justify every argument with the phrase "in order for us to be competitive in the 21st century".

21. You continue to encourage your overworked and shorthanded staff to look forward to better work distribution in a steady state in staffing that never comes.

22. You see nothing unusual about Trade Unions spending more time owning and operating supermarkets, drugstores, amusement parks, nightclubs, and financial services outlets rather than planning for its members who are laid off or fighting against their being laid off.

23. You think everything should be "topped up".

24. You wear winter clothes indoors and summer clothes outdoors.

25. You're not confused by a street naming system that locates streets like Clementi Road, Clementi Street, Clementi Crescent, Clementi Lane, Clementi Drive, Clementi Way, and Clementi Avenues 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and all within walking distance of each other.

26. You get irritated if you don't see a sign telling you how long your wait is going to be for a bus, a train, or the expressway to take you where you want to go.

27. You believe shopping, shopping and shopping is the best hobby you can ever have.

28. When you cross the border into Malaysia, you automatically and deeply fear for your life and your wallet. Especially your wallet!!

29. You don't have a problem with four different direct payment systems spread out over seven different cards in your wallet.

30. You forgot what chewing gum tastes like.

31. You say "handphone", not "mobile", and you think there's no such thing as a handphone that's too thin.

32. You have discussion and long sessions amongst your friends and fellow citizens on the important issues concerning your livelihood and welfare but dare not say anything to the proper authorities.

33. You believe you're the first to implement anything which you haven't heard of before and you are the best in anything just because you're better than Malaysia, Thailand or Indonesia.

34. You think you almost have it all in life when you own a car, a condo & a few credit cards.

35. You laugh at people being so Singaporean and then quickly hang the national flag in August before National Day because you do not want to be seen as being disloyal.

36. Eating nasi lemak, mee pok ta, mee soup, carrot cake or fishball soup for breakfast is regular. Opps, you don't understand regular! You only know what is 'normal'.

Majullah Singapura! You are indeed a Singaporean!

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