5 Things My Son Has Hidden In The Washing Machine (That I Found While Unloading):

1. Fridge magnets.

2. Plastic blocks and a toy car.

3. Day old toast.

4. Plastic jar lid and a spoon.

5. A nappy.

5 Things My Son Has Done With My Phone

1. Send a blank SMS to Skribe.

2. Make calls to numbers in memory, and then babble incoherently at whoever answers.

3. Make video phone calls to my voicemail.

4. Take a snapshot on phonecam of blurry pavement.

5. Tried to connect to the net, but settled for leaving bluetooth up.

PS* If anyone thinks phone gadgetry is becoming too complicated, they should just leave it in the hands of a toddler.

Five Lies I Tell My Son

1. Pushing all the buttons on the washing machine all the time will give it a nervous breakdown. And then it'll come after you and gobble you up.

2. Toothpaste is poisonous, except when it's on the toothbrush. So stop trying to eat the toothpaste.

3. The sprinklers are sleeping. If you wake up the sprinklers by jumping on them, they'll leap out of the ground and spit venom in your face.

4. Dragonflies are baby aeroplanes.

5. The vacuum cleaner is alive. And hungry. But also blind and stupid. So it's easy to escape.

Motherhood: Is It Catching?

So tired... can't believe the weekend's over already. For that matter, can't believe it's one week into the new year already. Did I send out all my NY greetings to everyone in time? Did I send out NY greetings to anyone at all? Is it really the 7th already?

It's an interesting contradiction: having a baby helps you connect with total strangers, but at the same time having a baby isolates you from the social life you once were part of. You don't go out as often, or for as long, and with a lot less spontaneity than before. On the other hand, it's a pleasant surprise when dour bank managers suddenly pull funny faces at your baby.

That said, have you noticed how, for every stranger you meet who is smitten with your baby, there is also someone who appears repelled by him? Mainly young women, from my experience, and sometimes a certain type of older lady. It ranges from disapproval and mild distaste to outright dislike. They see me with JOOB and glare like I'm a personal insult to them, some traitor to an unspecified cause, some slutty collaborator with the enemy.

It's not like JOOB is even screaming or being a nuisance to them. They just don't seem to like the idea of babies. Sometimes they actually recoil at the sight of him.

Hey," sisters"! It's not contagious, you know. Motherhood isn't like the avian flu. You don't see a baby and suddenly fall pregnant (although there're people out there who probably wish that were so). And since we're smack in the middle of a baby boom, one imagines those disapproving ladies and horrified party girls are going to be wearing pinched expressions for a long time. Not very flattering!

I'm not going to wax forth any of that nonsense about feeling more complete as a woman or fulfilling my genetic destiny blah. Being a mum is hard work, and a lot of fun, and bloody exhausting. Someday, as has been observed, I'll find I'm not JOOB's mum anymore and maybe I'll also find I miss it, but until then, this is the way it is and how it's going to be.

Now, maybe some sleep..?