All Is Cat

Language is instinctive, apparently. One of our most primitive urges is to first put names to things, and then to actions, and then to put them together in meaningful patterns.

Unless we're talking about JOOB, who's decided that it would be far more efficient and interesting to distill the English language down to about a dozen words and sound effects.

All things are "cat". Milk, biscuits, dinner, teddy bears, books, nappies, hats, shoes, aeroplanes, buses, cars, spoons, cups, seagulls, other babies... all of them are described as "cat". (Except grown-ups and himself, who are "Dadda"; and dogs, who are "oof oof".)

Things moving forward go "brrm brrm". Things going backwards go "Deh. Deh. Deh. Deh". Flying things go "ooooom" (flap arms). Really big trucks go "ah ooh ah ooh ah ooh", or should, because he clearly feels all big trucks ought to have sirens.

"Hi" is the sum of his conversation with other people. "Uh-oh" is when he throws something away, or drops it, or turns it upside down, or when bumps his head on the floor.

Twenty months old, and already determined to rationalise words his way.