Techboy

Screen capture off Skype of JOOB, in Singapore, talking with his dad.

Bogan Jet

Is this just the latest performer for the concert season? Maybe it's a new startup airline? Or perhaps it's what you get when bogan white trash meets economic boom? In any case at least Bill & Ted should be happy.

The 2008 Australian of the Year...

is a country and western singer. Hoo-fucking-ray. Or maybe I should have said yeehar!

5 Things My Son Has Hidden In The Washing Machine (That I Found While Unloading):

1. Fridge magnets.

2. Plastic blocks and a toy car.

3. Day old toast.

4. Plastic jar lid and a spoon.

5. A nappy.

5 Things My Son Has Done With My Phone

1. Send a blank SMS to Skribe.

2. Make calls to numbers in memory, and then babble incoherently at whoever answers.

3. Make video phone calls to my voicemail.

4. Take a snapshot on phonecam of blurry pavement.

5. Tried to connect to the net, but settled for leaving bluetooth up.

PS* If anyone thinks phone gadgetry is becoming too complicated, they should just leave it in the hands of a toddler.

Five Lies I Tell My Son

1. Pushing all the buttons on the washing machine all the time will give it a nervous breakdown. And then it'll come after you and gobble you up.

2. Toothpaste is poisonous, except when it's on the toothbrush. So stop trying to eat the toothpaste.

3. The sprinklers are sleeping. If you wake up the sprinklers by jumping on them, they'll leap out of the ground and spit venom in your face.

4. Dragonflies are baby aeroplanes.

5. The vacuum cleaner is alive. And hungry. But also blind and stupid. So it's easy to escape.

Oh Yeah!

The boy loves his Brownes Banana Chill.

Puff Bubby

What ya lookin' at homey?

Guilt...

...because my son is healthy, happy, inquisitive, mischievous, obstinate, affectionate, capable of all this and more.

...because he hasn't been diagnosed with a condition that is hereditary, incurable, and so debilitating that she will probably die in just a couple of years' time.

...because with the shock and sorrow I feel for that other child's parents, there is also relief and gratitude that it's not my child.

There. Said it. It's selfish, and it's true.

And I can't stop crying for her.

There is nothing that can be said, or done. Nobody can make this better. Pity is as useless as it is unwanted. I do not love that little girl any less, not do I love my boy any more, for knowing she is ill and he isn't.

Nothing lasts. We all die sometime. All we can do is make the most of what we have. And to carry ourselves with strength and grace, as her parents are doing.

HNY

I'm not one to indulge in the tradition of setting resolutions to be achieved in the forthcoming year, but I can't help myself this year - albeit a little early.

skribe's top ten things to do in 2008:

1. Get laid (again)
2. Get monumentally rich
3. Achieve world domination (again)
4. Speak unaccented anything including English
5. Not die (this really should have been number 1)
6. Do 6 impossible things before breakfast each day - maybe more.
7. Breed (again)
8. Meet myself and not lose a fight this time.
9. ??
10. Profit!

Mothering Milestones # 782628

Today I bought JOOB his first ever kid's value meal at Unnamed Fast Food Restaurant. I even went back to the counter to demand the stupid dinky freebie toy that was supposed to be in the box.

When did I even care about this? Arrrgh.

For the record: JOOB ate half his chips, spilled the rest, nibbled some burger meat and bits of bun, slurped some juice and tried to throw the cup away, and emptied out the box to use as a garage for his toy car.

Oh, the collectible toy ended up in my bag, unopened.

JOOB: Sit Up Comedian

The cat walks into the room.

"What's that?" prompts Skribe.

"Cat!" announces JOOB.

Whoo. This is the boy for whom all things are "cat" so I'm somewhat nonplussed. "That's like asking a dog what you find on top of a house," I say. "Roof."

"Hey, JOOB," Skribe turns to our boy. "What do you find on top of a house?"

And the boy answers, "Oof!"

Without. Missing. A. Beat.

This kid's going to be trouble :)

All Is Cat

Language is instinctive, apparently. One of our most primitive urges is to first put names to things, and then to actions, and then to put them together in meaningful patterns.

Unless we're talking about JOOB, who's decided that it would be far more efficient and interesting to distill the English language down to about a dozen words and sound effects.

All things are "cat". Milk, biscuits, dinner, teddy bears, books, nappies, hats, shoes, aeroplanes, buses, cars, spoons, cups, seagulls, other babies... all of them are described as "cat". (Except grown-ups and himself, who are "Dadda"; and dogs, who are "oof oof".)

Things moving forward go "brrm brrm". Things going backwards go "Deh. Deh. Deh. Deh". Flying things go "ooooom" (flap arms). Really big trucks go "ah ooh ah ooh ah ooh", or should, because he clearly feels all big trucks ought to have sirens.

"Hi" is the sum of his conversation with other people. "Uh-oh" is when he throws something away, or drops it, or turns it upside down, or when bumps his head on the floor.

Twenty months old, and already determined to rationalise words his way.

QOTD

Brendan Nelson : Lorem ipsum dolor

-- Helen Razer, explaining that Nelson is the placeholder leader

Overheard On The Bus

Mum playing happily with toddler.

Mum: "Where Nanna? Where nanna?"
Little girl points at another passenger.
Mum: "No, that not Nanna. Nanna not here. Where Blake? Where Blake?"
Little girl looks around.
Mum: "Blake not here. Blake gone. Blake at school. Where Mum? Where Mum?"
Little girl points to her mother.
Mum: "That's right. Mum here. Where Dad? Where Dad?"
Little girl looks around again.
Mum: "Dad not here. Dad in jail. Dad gone. Where Nanna? Where Nanna?"

And repeat.

On the last day of Movember my true love said to me...

SHAVE THAT BLOODY THING OFF!

QOTD

Mr Howard these days treats working people as economic commodities. I do not, I never will.

-- Kevin Rudd

Movember-day1-6

My first six days of Movember. Please sponsor me by visiting http://www.movember.com/au/donate/. My number is: 71709.

Movember

I'm doing Movember this year, and while I don't expect to be able to equal the vibrissa growths of those closer to the simian tree roots than I, I do hope to be able to raise a few bucks for a very worthwhile cause. If you'd like to sponsor us, then pop over to here. Rego number is 71709. All donations over $2 are tax deductible. We're also looking for team members - both boys and girls - so if you're interested leave a comment and I'll forward you the details.

Hopefully I'll have weekly photo updates of the mustachioed progress here.

CBS-CSI-frontpage

Our video made the CSI-NY front page. Woot!
Check it out!